


The Soul of Loyalty

by Ladyhawk_lhflu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Infidelity, Established Relationship, M/M, Older Characters, Soul-Searching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-19 15:09:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20211793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu
Summary: When is it infidelity? When his loyalty to your spirit is in question.





	The Soul of Loyalty

The patter of the rain fell in a manner that fit my mood. Hard, fast and rhythmic.

How could he? How could he? How could he? My heart beat in time with the rain and those words flowing through my head.

The rain couldn't hide the pitiful whine outside the front door, however. Not from my too-sensitive lycanthrope ears. But I ignored the whine, even as it grew louder. I wasn't letting him in. His impulsiveness had led him too far this time. This time, he had given his loyalty to another.

I went to make tea and rifle through the pantry for something to eat. All I could find was some bread and cheese. He had said that he would shop today. Then I threw him out of the house. 

I choked down the sandwich and drank my tea to wash away the bitterness.

The thunder boomed, and the lightning cracked. The bolt shot down and hit the ground out front. Luckily it just burnt the scraggly grass next to the shed. But it made me sigh. Because now I had to let him in. My pride was not worth his death, no matter how mad I was at him.

So I gathered some towels and laid them on the floor in front of the fireplace. Then I went to open the door.

The large black dog came in slowly, with his head bowed. He headed straight for the towels, without shaking or fussing as he normally did. He laid down with an exhausted sigh. 

I waited for him to change back to human. But he just laid there on the towels. So I took a few that I had set aside and started drying his fur. As I did, I couldn't help but contemplate the circumstances that had gotten us to this point.

We had met her two months ago. A stately werewolf in her late forties, just a few years younger than us. She had gotten lost in Cardiff when we had gone there to meet with Anthony Drews, Hogwarts' history professor. I had wanted to update him on the textbook I was writing.

Halley Gray had literally fell into us, as she turned, confused by the signs at the train station. Or so she said right before she squeaked out a line about how much she admired me and that I was a model for her and werewolves everywhere.

It had sounded sincere at the time, but as I sat with the dog by the fire, I wasn't sure. I had not been able to figure out if she had been deliberately seeking Sirius or if the situation had gotten away from her as well. But at the time we met her, she was just a lost soul. 

So I sent Sirius to point out the garden shop in one corner of the station as I waited for Tony.

The two of them came back twenty minutes later, just as Tony's train arrived. They both were carrying various magical plants that Halley wanted to put in her garden. That should have been my first clue that Sirius's eagerness to please was getting out of hand. But I just shrugged. I believed it would be good for Sirius to have someone to talk to while I discussed the book with Tony.

Halley kept Sirius occupied that day. I was grateful. He could be as fidgety as a five year old child when he was bored. They must have found quite a bit to talk about in that time. Because soon she was coming to the cottage or he was going to her place a few miles away every day.

It didn't really concern me until he started to not come home for dinner. But to cover up my worry, I would just write into the night. It gave me an easy way to fool myself into thinking all was well.

The last straw was the full moon. Sirius stayed with Halley in her yard instead of wandering by the lake with me, as we usually did on full moon nights.

I was furious.

Sirius had told me, when we were fifteen, and I was still adjusting to the rest of the Marauders knowing my secret, that he would be nearby for every moon that he could. At that point, none of them were animagi yet. But Sirius still had sat near the Whomping Willow on full moon nights to attempt to keep the creatures in the Forbidden Forest from investigating the wolf's cries.

He had kept that promise ever since. Despite arguments, despite a fear of darkness left over from his time in Azkaban, despite being severely weakened by his cousin's curse in the Hall of Mysteries. 

He had been steadfast in caring for me during the moon for after I nearly died in the Battle of Hogwarts. For six months, he had been afraid that the transformations would finish what Dolohov's curse had started inside me.

The moons after my recovery and later, when we moved to my father's cottage in Wales, were calmer and less painful than the previous ones. But he was still by my side to rest with me during the night and help me stumble into bed in the morning.

So when he came home after staying the night with Halley, I yelled all my insecure anger at him.

"I didn't sleep with her!" he yelled back almost immediately.

"You took your promise away from me and gave it to her!" I was somewhat incoherent in my anger. The sentence wouldn't have made sense to anyone else. But to him, it was a slap in the face and a revelation.

"I-I." Sirius's head bowed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly last night."

I wanted to forgive him right there and then, but my anger was controlling me. So I yanked open the door and pointed outside. "Come back when you start thinking clearly," I gritted out.

Sirius avoided looking at me as he hurried out the door. 

As I finished drying Padfoot's fur, I realized he hadn't even left the property after I slammed the door behind him. He could have easily gone to Halley's house to stay dry, but had stayed in the pouring rain instead. I didn't know why. I needed to know why.

So I took a deep breath and tried to speak. But what came out was a sob.

A moment later, familiar arms wrapped around me. "Moony. No, Moony. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Not even if you forget to pull me back."

His last sentence startled and confused me. "What?" I asked, moving enough to search his face.

Sirius's shining grey eyes met mine. "Oh Moony. I always thought you did it deliberately. But you didn't, did you?"

"Did what?" I asked softly, now thoroughly perplexed.

"Pulled me back. Made me heel." Sirius replied just as softly as he bowed his head. 

I choked on my next words as I realized the implications of what he just said. I let my fingers tangle in his long hair in a way that had calmed us both for so many years. Then I tried again. "I don't control you, love."

Sirius raised his head at the endearment. "I choose to let you control me." He cautiously raised a hand to caress my cheek. I let him. My anger was fading quickly as he spoke. "Most of the time, you stop me from doing something stupid with a few words. I thought you knew."

"No." I thought for a few moments as I watched the tears stream down his cheeks. Finally, I decided that my wishes were what he was listening to. "You most likely heard me predicting what would happen if you continued, and muttering to myself about what I wished you'd do. I tend to do that a lot when you're obsessed with something."

I sighed. If he had thought I was dispensing my thoughts to him deliberately to make him cease whatever bothered me, I wasn't comfortable scolding him further for the previous night. I hadn't said anything aloud about my discomfort with his obsession with Halley.

"Your obsession got in the way," Sirius said with a nod. "It's not often that sometimes takes your attention like the history book has. I'm starting to get jealous of it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked worriedly. Somehow, it seemed that I caused as much of our pain as he had. I didn't know how or why.

"Because it makes you happy," Sirius revealed. "I didn't want to take you away from that."

"Halley makes you happy," I choked out.

My soulmate shook his head, and suddenly, I could breathe again. "Halley gave me something to do while you worked on the book. She tried to chase me home last night before the moon rose. But I figured that you'd transform in your office and sleep there. You didn't need me for that. I didn't even think of that promise I made you. It didn't seem as important as letting you do what made you happy."

"Being with you makes me happy, Padfoot. I find the book a challenge, and it's fun to write. But you are allowed to, you are *supposed to* drag me out of my office to spend time with you." I whispered this in his ear as I pulled him tightly against me.

Sirius whimpered a little as he tried to wrap himself around me. "Please, Moony..."

At that moment, I almost kicked myself. He was asking for love, the physical kind. I couldn't remember the last time I had given him any. I couldn't even remember the last time I gave him a hug.

I had to correct that. Right now.

My guilt caused me to tremble as I bent and picked him up to carry him to the sofa. But he didn't seem to care as he turned his face into my neck and nuzzled gently.

I vanished our clothes to the bedroom with a murmured spell before I laid him down. The sofa wasn't the best place for this, especially at our age. But I needed to correct my mistakes as soon as possible. So it would have to do. I didn't want to risk injuring him by carrying him up the stairs while I was shaking.

I leaned over to kiss him softly. But gentle was not what my Padfoot wanted. He deepened the kiss with a growl against my lips. When we both pulled back, gasping for air, he looked me straight in the eye. "Claim me," he pleaded.

"I did that when we were sixteen," I whispered back.

"The wolf claimed me when were were sixteen," Sirius corrected. "Remus just followed the wolf's wishes. Claim me. Let me know that I am what you want no matter how distracted either of us get."

I could see the worry in his eye, worry that I would refuse. But how could I refuse my caring, loving, *loyal* soulmate?

"Kneel against the back of the sofa," I murmured as I grabbed his wand off the coffee table so I could lengthen the cushions enough to keep us from falling.

He scrambled quickly to comply, then sighed contentedly as I slid in place against him. "Don't hold anything back, Moony. I can take it. I want everything you can give me."

"I'm not sure how much my knees can take though," I murmured in his ear, sparking his chuckle.

"You'll just have to order me to finish it when your knees give out," he murmured back with a twinkle in his eye.

"We will explore that," I promised. "But not today. Today I want to make you mine."

"Yess..." Sirius hissed as I murmured a lubrication spell, then slid in to him slowly, inch by inch. When we were joined, I only paused long enough for Sirius to shift his hips to settle me deeper in him. Then I pulled out and slammed into him.

Sirius's yell was music to my ears. So I slammed into him again. And again. And again. I kept up the brutal pace until I could feel bruises on my hipbone from the force of our joining. Then I slowed down and reached around to stroke him, pulling him to the brink so he would tighten around me.

Then I slammed into him one more time as I bit his neck, right above the mark I had given him so long ago.

The sofa nearly collapsed from the force of our release.

When I pulled myself together enough to move, I gathered him into my arms and slid down so we could rest on the cushions. 

"I am yours, Remus Lupin," Sirius whispered in my ear. "Nobody can get between us now."

"Nobody would want to," I whispered back as I summoned a towel to wipe the sweat off his face. "We need a bath."

"And some food," Sirius yawned out as he settled against my side.

"There's no food in the house," I said regretfully. "We'll have to go out."

"You didn't look in the fireplace," Sirius waved his hand toward the brick edifice. "I asked Harry to pick up some groceries for us when he went for his this morning. I didn't want you to be hungry right after the transformation."

I shifted my head so I could see in the blackened space. I could just make out the outline of a box and what was probably the shimmer of a preservation spell.

"My loyal Padfoot," I whispered contentedly against his lips right before we fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> For my Bijou, who shows me loyalty in so many ways.


End file.
